Happy

Most of the times when I go to write my blog I try to think of something difficult or hard that is currently going on in my life and give it a positive spin by the end. Maybe I’d find some secret lesson in the difficulties, bring up a passage from the Bible or some quote that I like that can be applied to the situation, or, when all else fails, throw in some fancy metaphor that I can claim means really anything. But as I sit here at the desk in my room, staring out of my window at the seemingly ever-present overcast Irish weather, I’m realizing that nothing is bad right now. I can truly and honestly say that, right now, I am genuinely happy. Nothing good in particular happened. My life just feels content. It feels clean and organized. It feels like my life is at the right place.

I’m happy with myself. Over winter break, with the concern about traveling overseas in the middle of Covid mixed with the very strong desire to go and see something new, I ended up solo traveling to the southwest of Ireland – the only region of the Island I had yet to spend too much time in. After a wild adventure of hopping between four different busses (Wexford to Waterford to Cork to Kilarney to Kenmare) I landed in the beautiful and quaint town of Kenmare on New Year’s Eve. Former versions of myself would have been lonely, sad, and feeling very sorry for myself for being alone to bring in the New Year – especially considering that all bars and restaurants had to close at 8pm. But instead, I felt liberated. I spent the next couple of days on beautiful hikes, reading books in front of lakes and mountains, watching the new Spider-Man movie alone in theaters (it was very good, would definitely see it again) and eating full Irish breakfasts after full Irish breakfasts. I have always felt that being alone and being lonely were synonymous. Now I know that this does not have to be true. I have become comfortable with myself, and enjoy having a meal, going on a hike, or being present with just me. And I’m very happy with that.

At the same time, I’m also very happy with my community and Wexford itself. Every day in Clonard Parish it seems like I am meeting someone new: a member of the congregation who is finally starting to make a return after Covid restrictions start to lessen, a musician brought in to play for a funeral or wedding, or even just someone walking their dog outside of the church. And it seems like every person I meet, whether I have a full conversation or just pass them on the street, smile and say hello. It’s peaceful, it’s homey, it’s happy. I feel respected here. People want to talk to and learn from us just as much as we want to talk to and learn from them. That is a beautiful feeling. And what is even more beautiful is being able to do it alongside my community members. While we are greatly longing for Emily’s arrival, myself, Emma, and Shannon have connected far beyond any level I was expecting or hoping for. We work well together, laugh often, and support each other in all that we do and need. While I have become more and more comfortable with being just by myself, I have also become more and more comfortable with being with my community. Over the past few weeks alone we have taken day trips with our Priests, longer journeys up to Galway and Dublin, watched countless movies and shows together, and even went to see Spider-Man together (because, as I said, it was so good and I very much wanted to see it again). Throughout it all and above all else, we enjoy each other’s presence, and there’s not much more that you can really ask for within a community.

Finally, I have found that I am just happy with who I am as a person, and where I am in life. Spiritually, I feel stronger than ever before. I’m engaged at masses, fully paying attention to the homilies and not zoning out thinking about what work I have to get done, or which friend I need to text back, or any other number of stresses that are common in this day. Physically, too, I feel stronger than ever before. With covid restrictions lessening, coupled with better time management skills on my part, I’ve been able to get back into a regular gym routine with some runs sprinkled in – but that ever-apparent overcast really makes it harder to want to run if I’m being completely honest. I’ve gotten more interested in cooking and baking, experimenting with new banana bread and fajita recipes in the past week, but overall focusing on eating healthier meals. Mentally, I’ve begun journaling and meditating. I no longer need to rely on a person or an act in order to calm down and relax. Being able to just sit and breathe and reminding myself that I am needed and loved has handled that enough. Intellectually I have been reading more than ever – already finishing four books in the month of January alone (they were really short books, it’s not that impressive, but it does make me sound cool and smart so I’m leaving it in). Even financially I am slowly starting to pay off that trip to the southwest of Ireland – all of those full Irish breakfasts really add up.

I know this blog might sound like I am being arrogant or bragging about something. And I truly apologize if it comes off that way. But when every other blog that you have written for the past two years has been about a problem you have been having, and now all of a sudden you feel truly, purely happy, I think you would want to share about it as well. This doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. There are still a lot of looming unknowns and other stresses floating around in my head. There are also days where I do get sad, or I miss a friend or wish I was home with my family. But I know that, overall, I am happy. Just the other day, my best friend from college texted me out of the blue to tell me big and exciting news. I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day from it – because I was truly glad for her, and not secretly jealous or envious like I may have been in the past. That is how I know that I am in a good place. That is how I know that I am happy.

I hope you all can get there too, if you are not there already. Because the world needs a little more happiness. And if no one told you yet today: the world needs you, and you are loved.