I’ve never really been a fan of New Year’s resolutions, or for language like “New Year, new me,” that inevitably pops up around the holiday. I think I managed to avoid most of that this year, which I’m grateful for. But one thing I did feel compelled to do on the cusp of the new year was to journal, to give myself some time to reflect. So for an hour or so on New Year’s Day, I sat in front of the fire in our living room and used some journal prompts to write about the things I’d learned and done in 2021. I also looked ahead, taking some time to think about what I’d like to do in 2022. I picked a quote to inspire me, and even came up with a few words I wanted to carry with me this year. One of them was ‘openness.’ I figure that as the year goes on, the idea of ‘openness’ will unfold in different ways. But for now, it means being more open with my own thoughts and feelings, open to new experiences and perspectives, and open to God’s movement in my life.
I thought about that idea of openness to God’s work in my life this week when I heard the reading about the call of Samuel. Most of us know the story: Samuel is a young boy, and one night, he hears a voice calling to him. He thinks that it’s Eli, so he runs to him and says, “Here I am, for you called for me.” Eli says that it wasn’t him, and tells Samuel to go back to sleep. But Samuel hears the voice again, and goes back to Eli, saying, “Here I am, for you called for me.” The third time this happens, Eli realizes that it is God who is calling Samuel, so he tells him to say, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” When God calls Samuel again, he does as he’s told and says, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”
Read those two phrases again. “Here I am, for you called me,” and “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”
I find so much trust and hope in those words. Indeed, it takes a lot of trust and hope to listen to and follow God’s plan for our lives. Right now, it seems as though trust and hope are in short supply, or completely out of reach for some. There are so many difficult things happening in the world, too many to discuss all in one post. But namely, we’re still in the middle of Covid-19, in the midst of another variant, with no visible end in sight. There’s so much uncertainty, even in my own life. And in thinking about this, about trying to hear God’s voice in the midst of such unpredictability, I thought of Psalm 40. It reads:
“I waited patiently for the Lord,
and He reached down and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud;
And He set me on a rock, making my footsteps firm.
He put a new song into my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear
And will trust in the Lord.
How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust,
And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who become involved in falsehood.
Many, Lord my God, are the wonders which you have done,
And your thoughts toward us;
There is no one to compare with you.
If I would declare and speak them,
They would be too numerous to count […]
Be pleased, Lord, to rescue me,
Hurry, Lord, to help me […]
I am afflicted and needy;
May the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my savior;
Do not delay, my God.”
I find that this psalm holds space for our emotions of doubt, uncertainty, and even hopelessness. As our beloved Sr. Anne would say, “what you’re feeling is very real.” And she’s right: those feelings are all around us, and within us, and they’re not to be diminished. At the same time, this psalm also assures us that through it all, God still hears us and is there for us. It’s such a powerful and comforting realization. God is always there, and is always moving in our lives, even though we don’t always recognize it.
So in this new year, however it turns out, I am challenging myself to be open to God’s voice and His plan, even when I feel hopeless and doubtful. To say, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening,” and to mean it. To find trust and hope in God’s voice and movement in my life. I pray that I can carry all of that with me throughout 2022.
