Ironically enough, with my last blog post being about consolation, the last several weeks I’ve been in a bit of a funk with God. I haven’t been in a deep dark place, but I’ve felt a bit disconnected from God. There are a lot of factors that have made this happen. In a two-week span, I had strep throat, traveled to and from the US for House of Brigid Interviews, and had lymphadenitis, with Ash Wednesday and a lecture on top of it. There hasn’t really been a lot of time to process what is going on in my life. It’s been go-go-go.

When you work at a church, and have to go to mass six times a week, it can feel very alarming to feel a disconnect with God. It made me feel purposeless in terms of our work here. Ministry of presence is challenging because you don’t see the direct results of your work. I had a week in mass where I was sitting there like “what am I doing here?” I want to be a doctor because I want to help people and I thought I could do the same here. How am I even helping people? This disconnect in my faith made me feel quite purposeless in terms of our work here.

I’ve said this before, but I spend a lot of time in my prayers in a state of gratitude or praying for other people. I rarely pray for the things I actually want because I’m afraid of being disappointed. That’s a big thing for me to admit, but it’s the reality of where I am in my faith. I don’t really know how to ask God for what I want. If whatever I ask for doesn’t happen, maybe it was meant to be, but I’m still going to be upset. This creates a weird tension in my faith that I don’t necessarily know how to deal with. However, in daily mass one day, I realized I’d checked out of nearly the entire mass and finally asked God for a sign. I wanted motivation to focus on my passion for medicine. I’d been thinking a lot about how I missed the anatomy lab and all things science, but how I wasn’t motivated to work on medical school applications or set up shadowing hours. Truthfully, the only reason I had the strength to ask God for what I wanted is because of House of Brigid. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who are so strong in their faith. Hearing how God answers their prayers has helped me trust in Him.

I connected with the cutest family back in the fall. This mom and her kids are the nicest people ever. The older brother wanted to read some of the intercessions and his younger sister was eager to help as well. Recently we’ve been training them to be alter servers. As the kids were talking to Fr. Gary, I was chatting with their mom. She told me she worked at the Mayo Clinic for a year when she found out I was from Minnesota. My eyes nearly flew out of my head when she said she was a cardiologist. I told her all about my time at Marquette in the gross anatomy lab and the different shadowing experiences I have had. Then she said that her husband is a lecturer at UCD’s medical school and that she would hook me up with him. (Calling them a power couple is an understatement.) Just the thought alone of having coffee with the two of them had me buzzing with excitement. When her kids were done with Fr. Gary, she told her daughter “we’re going to get Lizo to be a doctor!” It felt so nice to hear someone say that on this side of the ocean, to know that they’re rooting for me. My passion for medicine has never been at such a high. Her excitement for me gave me the strength I needed (and the sign I needed) to continue on my journey to medical school. I knew it was a sign from God. At Taizé that night, I prayed in complete awe of God’s wonder. I felt that connection I had been lacking.

I realized this sign was greater than just finding motivation for medical school applications. It helped me see the benefit of what I’m currently doing. The small things that we do every week have made them feel welcomed into our parish community and excited to come to mass each week. What’s even better is that they want to get involved! Seeing the effects of human connection and the joy and passion in this family reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be right now.